Golf Jokes: Break The Ice With These Funny Puns and One-Liners

For the rest of the world, golf is a low-energy activity that is only played to relax. Serious golfers know that sentiment is far from the truth. Our sport is a tough one to master and requires a high level of skill and precision. Plus, the competitive atmosphere of the game can make casual spectators think that this is a really serious sport.

In reality, every golfer needs a good laugh every now and then, considering the intense seriousness of the sport. This is why we have compiled some of the best golf jokes that the internet has to offer.

Although you could probably get away with simply quoting Happy Gilmore, Tin Cup or Caddyshack, it certainly won’t hurt to improve your repertoire of golf jokes. Whether you’re playing with your boss or a client, feel free to use the following jokes to break the ice.

  • Golf Puns and Funny One-Liners

Here are some gold quick funnies from ThoughtCo:

Golf is a lot like taxes: You go for the green and wind up in the hole.

Wife: I'm sick and tired of your obsession with golf!
Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us?

Why do golfers hate cake? Because they might get a slice.

A good golf partner is one who's always a little bit worse than you are.

Q: How bad do you want to be a good golfer?
A: I have a driving ambition.

I'm not a bad putter, I just can't catch a break.

If you golf on election day, be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.

A good golf partner is one who's always a little bit worse than you are.

Golf is what you play when you're too out of shape to play softball.

Q: How bad do you want to be a good golfer?
A: I have a driving ambition.

I like my women like my golf game; in the mid-80's with a slight handicap

I only hit two good balls today… I stepped on a rake.

Q: Is he a bad golfer?

A: It's a fore-gone conclusion.

Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you will spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church.

  • Tiger Woods Golf Jokes

golf jokes

Tiger Woods is definitely the GOAT (Greatest of All Time) of golf. However, when we think of Tiger Woods these days, it can’t be helped that the jokes would revolve around his DUI incident and cheating scandal. Here are the best ones we got:

I heard Tiger Woods got a DUI…

He should have picked a different driver.

Q: How do you “Tiger-proof” a golf course?

A: By strategically placing fire hydrants around it.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

There’s a new drug out which not only improves your sex life; it also improves your golf game. It’s called TIAGRA.

Just wasted $20 on the latest Tiger Woods DVD “My Favourite 18 holes.” Turns out it was all about golf.

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

Tiger has a new movie coming out. It's called Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

Tiger Woods was arrested for DUI…

He was three shots over.

  • Long Golf Jokes

Here are some long golf funnies that we have found. Again, these are pretty lengthy so you better brush-up on your storytelling skills.

From PGA:

  • Small World

Two men ran out to the course for a quick nine after work. They get to the tee and see two ladies playing ahead of them.

One of the men complains that the ladies will slow them down and says he is going to ask if they can play through. He goes halfway to the ladies and turns back.

The other man asked what was wrong. The man said, “I can't go up there that's my wife and my mistress.”

So the other man says he will go. He goes halfway and comes back. His partner asked what happened and the man replied, “Small world, huh?”

A Baptist pastor decides to play hooky on a Sunday to play golf. He's playing the best golf of his life when an angel asks God, “Are you going to let this slide? Do something!”

So God says, “Watch this.”

The pastor hits a 425-yard tee shot and the ball goes in the hole for a double eagle. The angel asks, “Why did you reward him?”

God says, “Who is he gonna tell?”

  • Baptist Pastor

A Baptist pastor decides to play hooky on a Sunday to play golf. He's playing the best golf of his life when an angel asks God, “Are you going to let this slide? Do something!”

So God says, “Watch this.”

The pastor hits a 425-yard tee shot and the ball goes in the hole for a double eagle. The angel asks, “Why did you reward him?”

God says, “Who is he gonna tell?”

From Reddit:

  • An Engineer, a Priest, and a Doctor Plays Golf

An engineer, a priest, and a doctor are trying to enjoy a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. “That’s a group of blind firefighters,” they are told. “They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.”

The priest says, “I will say a prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor says, “Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.”

And the engineer says, “Why can’t they play at night?”

  • Tough Course

When you hit an atrocious shot (and I mean atrocious, this is reserved for the tops and shanks of the shot spectrum) you just look your playing partner square in the eye, say “tough course,” and shrug it off.

  • Wrapping Up

Personally, when it comes to golf jokes, I would just tell my golfing buddies, “Wanna hear a joke? Just watch my short game.” Hopefully, we have brightened your day and add a few gems to your golf jokes repertoire. Have a good golf joke to share? Feel free to make us laugh in the comments.

Looking for a good golf resource for courses? Check out AtTheTee for a directory of golf courses that might be near your area. Also, check out the blogs for some entertaining golf articles.

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